Traditionally, Valentine’s Day is one of those days in the year when restaurants the world over expect a big crowd.

Many choose Valentine’s Day as the perfect opportunity to prove their love by taking the special people in their lives out to that fancy restaurant to spend, spend, and spend on great food and drink. One can hardly go wrong with a great meal and great company, on a special day, you know?

So, will your date be too blinded by love not to notice your table manners? I doubt it! Many tales abound of broken relationships the morning of the day after February 14, caused by diabolical table manners.

So at dinner, will you hold your fork and knife like two daggers? Will you use your tongue to search for the glass rim? Will you burp loudly because you enjoyed the food so, so much? Will you pick your teeth at the table? Will you ask for a bowl of water to wash your hands at the table? Will you pretend you forgot your wallet at home when it’s time to pay? Will you order and order and order some more just because someone else is paying? Do you know where to leave the napkin during and after the meal? Will you place your phones, keys, wallet, handbags and purses on the table as you dine? How will you call the waiter? Will you swipe your mouth or dab it with your napkin? Where will you place your cutlery once used – No, you do not lean them on either side of your plate.

Do read up on your table manners before you step out and plan to be a great date, a fun date, a well-mannered date.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!!

Helen.

Some simple rules to being a welcome guest…

 If you have been invited, you need to acknowledge the invitation and state whether you will be coming. Please do not take along more people than have been invited – and if you must, do ask permission first.

 If you decide to visit someone uninvited, do tell them you are coming. Do not show up at someone’s door ‘in the spirit of Christmas’ without first telling them. Do not also tell them when you are already on your way. A two to three day minimum notice is just fine.

 So now you are headed to your Host’s place…Hmmmm… Please go with a gift clutched very tightly to your bosom. It is a season of give and take after all. Nothing major, but it should be thoughtful. In these parts, examples of thoughtful gifts to arrive with are a Hamper if you can afford it, a bottle of wine (non-alcoholic is preferable unless you know your friend or relative to be someone who’s not embarrassed to show they drink), a full cake or a dozen cupcakes, a bottle of good quality (Wesson) frying oil, already made Chinchin, a little bag of rice, a baaing live goat if you fancy the dramatic, bottled water, ‘soft’ drinks, nicely fried meat (in our suspicious society where most people usually suspect the other is out to get them, or stunt their destiny – whatever that means, please only give already prepared food to those with whom you enjoy a mutually trusting relationship). Of course, I cannot emphasize enough that your gift must be well wrapped/packaged. Remember, your gift is a reflection of you! So, no stale food, no gift which expiry date reads a shelf life of only two weeks remaining, no indigenous broth unless you know the person to like it also, etc. Being thoughtful is key.

 At your Host’s place, do conduct yourself in a responsible manner. You are also responsible for how your children behave. So, do have a little meeting with your precious little ones before you leave home. What will you be telling them? Greet your Hosts audibly with your best smile, respect the traditions of the home you are visiting, say yes, please and no, thank you with a smile and eye contact, do not refuse food but do not ask for it either, do not over indulge – ask for second helpings only if the Host invites you to, do not rummage through the tray looking for the biggest piece of chicken or cake, eat properly, do not pick fights with the Host’s children, etc. The Parents duties? Always keep an eye on what your children are doing, do not discipline, hit, spank, yell at, or abuse your child in Public – have that meeting before you leave home: it helps!

 You and your Children should not roam the Home. If everyone is in the living room downstairs, you should be also. Do not sit in a corner brooding or frowning.

 Do not come to the party with the aim of sharing your personal problems with the other guests or your Host. That is selfish, as you will ruin everyone’s happiness too.

 Offer to help clean and wash up, and let your Host say no.

 Use the toilets in the home with respect. Flush and clean up after yourself and remember to wash your hands.

 Do not overstay your welcome. If your Children get bored and start acting out in ways we know Children do, then it’s time to take your leave. Something really important I also need to share is this – remember there is Life after Christmas. School bills to pay, etc. Keep money aside for those first, before splurging for Christmas. Remember those who do not have a lot of money. They are the only category of people you should give Cash gifts to – Cash should be in a Christmas card or envelope where possible.

From Manners and Grace to you, I say with love, Merry Christmas!

Fathers Day is almost here…let’s change the world, one man at a time!

Do give the man in your life (adult son, father, husband, boyfriend, fiance, brother, grandson, colleague, stalker), the gift of life skills and increased confidence to help him navigate through life.

So today’s challenge to you is this: how will people in your life, or people you meet even for a brief while, describe you? Do you leave people wanting more of you, or needing less to be near you? The big question – Whose shadow crosses the street to avoid them?

Do choose from the below list of positive and not so positive adjectives that you feel best describe your character, personality and nature (not physical looks – those change!). Then ask a dear friend who will be honest with you, if they feel the same. If both opinions don’t jell, you’ve got work to do.

The aim is to be known by more positive, than negative words…unless of course you don’t care. To co-exist with other humans though, you must care. You must…

Do ponder this as you begin a great week.

Thank you.

Helen.

This year, will you make a deliberate effort to improve your Social Skills, Grooming and Persona? Do you still believe it’s disrespectful to make eye contact? Do you look awkward in dress and appearance? Do you still believe it’s okay to frown at strangers? Do you believe it’s okay for a child to be disrespectful just because they are still young? Do you pick fights with strangers on Social Media? Do you very gingerly, open your boss’s door and peep through, shoulders hunched in subservience, rather than knock and enter their office with confidence? Is your handshake limp? Is kindness a waste? Do you send inappropriate messages to strangers on Social Media just because you believe you can? Do you know the difference between politeness and soliciting for friendship? Is there someone you know who was born without a personality? If you weren’t you, would you like you?

For answers and solutions to the above questions and so much more, do look us up sometime soon…Manners and Grace, International Etiquette Consultants, will help improve the total you. Our classes, administered by our UK and USA Certified Coaches, cover Children and Youth Etiquette, Social Etiquette, Customer Service, Grooming and Image Improvement, and are suited to every need. We will work with you in a professional, down to earth manner, to position you for greatness. This is what we do.

Thank you and see you soon…

Helen.

Festive Seasons are usually marked with back and forth invitations to/from your Relatives’ and Friends’ homes. As a guest, it is important for you and your Children to behave in certain ways, else you may not be invited again. In short, you need to mind your manners…

Some simple rules to being a welcome guest…

•  If you have been invited, you need to acknowledge the invitation and state whether you will be coming. Please do not take along more people than have been invited – and if you must, do ask permission first.
•  If you decide to visit someone uninvited, do tell them you are coming. Do not show up at someone’s door ‘in the spirit of Christmas’ without first telling them. Do not also tell them when you are already on your way. A three-day minimum notice is just fine.
•  So now you are headed to your Host’s place…Hmmmm… Please go with a gift clutched very tightly to your bosom. It is a season of give and take after all. Nothing major, but it should be thoughtful. In these parts, examples of thoughtful gifts to arrive with, are a Hamper if you can afford it, a bottle of wine (non-alcoholic is preferable unless you know your friend or relative to be someone who’s not embarrassed to show they drink), a full cake or a dozen cup cakes, a bottle of (Wesson) frying oil, already made Chinchin, a little bag of rice, a baaing live goat if you fancy the dramatic, bottled water, ‘soft’ drinks, nicely fried meat (in our suspicious society where most people usually suspect the other is out to get them, or stunt their destiny – whatever that means, please only give already prepared food to those with whom you enjoy a mutually trusting relationship). Of course, I cannot emphasize enough that your gift must be well wrapped/packaged. Remember, your gift is a reflection of You! So, no stale food, no gift which expiry date reads a shelf life of only two weeks remaining, no indigenous broth unless you know the person to like it also, etc. Being thoughtful is key.
•  At your Host’s place, do conduct yourself in a responsible manner. You are also responsible for how your Children behave. So, do have a little meeting with your precious ones before you leave home. What will you be telling them? Greet your Hosts audibly with your best smile, respect the traditions of the home you are visiting, say yes, please and no, thank you with a smile and eye contact, do not refuse food but do not ask for it either, do not over indulge – ask for second helpings only if the Host invites you to, do not rummage through the tray looking for the biggest piece of chicken or cake, eat properly, etc. The Parents duties? Always keep an eye on what your children are doing, do not discipline, spank, yell at, or abuse your child in Public – have that meeting before you leave home: it helps!
•  You and your Children should not roam the Home. If everyone is in the living room downstairs, you should be also. If a garden party, remain outdoors unless invited in. Do not sit in a corner brooding or frowning.
•  Do not come to the party with the aim of sharing your personal problems with the other guests or your Host. That is selfish, as you will ruin everyone’s happiness too.
•  Offer to help clean and wash up, and let your Host say No.
•  Use the toilets in the home with respect. Flush and clean up after yourself and remember to wash your hands.
•  Do not overstay your welcome. If your Children get bored and start acting out in ways we know Children do, then it’s time to take your leave.

Something really important I also need to share is this – remember there is Life after Christmas. School bills to pay, etc. Keep money aside for those first, before splurging for Christmas. Remember those who do not have a lot of money. They are the only category of people you should give Cash gifts to – Cash should be in a Christmas Card where possible.

From my family to yours, I say with love, Merry Christmas!

So my question is, does it matter, what background is in your photo? Asked another way; should you take your time to consider what will show in the background of your photo? Does it matter that while you stand in a photo looking glam, there’s a sign in the background saying ‘’Alagbado Public Toilet’’? Does it matter that you put up a photo of yourself about to get in your car and in the background there’s a dirty, aging, cracked water stained wall with peeling paint, and a visible filthy broken bucket, with ducks casually strolling about? Should you care that in your cute child’s birthday photo, the cake is sitting on a torn table cloth that is askew on the stool, and in the background, there is a half open sardine tin just lying there, and a bench with Agege bread(a favourite of mine) piled up in the background? What opinion should we have of you when you proudly pose for a photo, with an over-running gutter behind you? How should we judge a photo of you that has in the background, your window curtains roughly tucked into the anti-burglary bars and beyond the photo, we see lines and lines of washed laundry spread out in a yard?

Hey! I caution there are no right or wrong answers – your pedigree, background, exposure, self-esteem, standards, class, dignity, other qualities like that, will determine which way you lean really. But then, we are not doomed to not improving ourselves. Correct?

While we are at it, when you take a photo of your cute child on their birthday, it helps to ask the child to smile their best smile. I remember the photographer and my mum’s voice yelling, ‘’Say cheeesssee’’ just before a photo was snapped. I still have those lovely photos from many decades back, where I smiled many a toothless smile! It means a photo does look better when a child (or adult) is smiling in it, not to mention the pleasant memories that come to mind. Why would you want your child in their birthday photo on FB, looking like you just smacked them, or that they are scared of you or the camera?

Honestly, I believe a background that is pleasing to the eyes of your audience matters. Thankfully, a good number of people believe this unwritten rule also.

I’ve also seen photos where the adults confuse looking really angry VS unsmiling, looking spaced out VS looking sultry, looking casual VS looking unkempt, looking playful VS looking downright crazy; but I digress. This is not today’s focus. We will deal with this another time.

Thank you!

Last weekend, a Privately owned Nigerian University made history when they invited my Firm, Manners and Grace to come speak with their Graduating Students on the Social Skills needed to get ahead, post-University. Why this stood out is because they recognize that their Students will graduate with good grades, Yes, but still need preparation to enter the professional Business world.

I was really pleased to be part of this entirely altruistic move. So the evening came and I went as arranged, to speak with the Graduating Students over a posh dinner.

I shared with the Graduating Students that all Employers want the same thing – people with the technical know-how, people who are confident in social situations, people who are great team members and builders, and people who’ve got a terrific attitude.

I also shared well known and well tested job-hunting tips for success, as well as relevant tips for anyone already operating in the Business world, as follows:

• Know what to do when being introduced to other people, be familiar with the proper protocols of introductions – Stand up for all introductions, Smile your best smile, See their eyes, Shake their right hand, Say your name, and Say their name back to them. In addition, when shaking hands, give a firm, not bone-crushing grip, watch your posture, and make direct eye contact.
• Know how to enter and exit a room.
• Be well groomed – Dress appropriately, Project a clean image, top to bottom.
• Communicate clearly. Use a strong, clear speaking voice. At 16 years and above, we do not use slang, or use vulgar language if we do not want to appear delinquent.
• Polish your email and letter writing skills. Use proper language; (But vs Buh, Later vs L8r, Great vs Gr8, Kk vs Ok, etc.), Proper grammar, Punctuation, Spell right, Respond promptly to emails, Show a positive attitude in your emails. Do not abbreviate unduly, and not at all in formal communication.
• Practice proper telephone and cellphone Etiquette.
• Know what is appropriate over Social Media. Do not show overly strong religious, political or sexist views. A general Rule of Thumb is – If you cannot say it to people’s faces, if you cannot act that way in person, if it may be offensive to your Boss or Parents, then you should not Post it, or Delete if it is already posted.
• Remember names and occasions.
• Master Networking – In a Social event, do not hide in a corner, avoid joining a Group of only 2 persons, or an overly large group. Do not sit with a scowl on your face.
• Polish your dining manners. Know what to do with your napkin during and after a meal, what cutlery to use at what time of the meal.
• Make a great first and last impression. People remember people with good manners.

I finally shared Best Advice from some already really successful people, as follows:

• Be nice to people.
• Work harder than anyone else.
• Practice financial responsibility – Spend Less Than You Earn!
• Find a mentor.
• Build a good, reliable reputation. Be known as the person who shows up when they say they will.
• Be open to the unexpected.
• Set goals, but not in ink. Tweak regularly but realistically.
• Have a great attitude!

I concluded by advising them that a great future awaits those civilized people who approach it with confidence and have worked really hard to position themselves for greatness. True!