A number of months ago while moving into our new Abuja Training Studio, I experienced something that still leaves me scratching the top of my head in amaze (amuse) ment.

I had been working 24/7 to set up the Studio on time for these particular clients who were coming from out of town. So there I was, on a very cold Sunday morning (yes, I skipped church), at the Studio without my then usual retinue of artisans and personal aides.

I parked my truck in an empty parking space next to my Studio, as I don’t yet have the driving skills to maneuver my large truck into the Studio gates. Anyway, I parked my truck in this empty space that was large enough to take two other vehicles.

When I was done running around my Studio and was satisfied I had justified my presence there that morning, I set out to my truck. And what did I see? A vehicle had blocked my truck in such a way that moving it out was impossible. The person had in fact, blocked the narrow street!

I honked my horn a couple of times and very quickly stopped – recall this was a Sunday morning and I didn’t want to wake up/ disturb people’s peace.

While I sat in my truck pondering my predicament, this sympathizer walked up to me, clutching tightly on to his mat and other prayer paraphernalia, spoke with me for about 30 seconds offering his sympathy and rhetorically asking ‘’why are people like this na?’’, before announcing he sadly had to leave me. I had hoped he knew the vehicle’s owner or at least, what house they had gone into, and unfortunately, he had no idea, he said.

After waiting about 40 minutes, I decided to call my friend who lived close by. I knew he would have a solution. He always does! When he arrived a few minutes later, he began knocking on every door, asking questions until he was shown the house of the vehicle’s owner. He knocked on their door, went in, and came out with three young men in their 30s I believe. Guess what? My sympathizer was one of the men who came out with the other two – he lived with them in fact, he had changed his clothes but was still clutched very tightly to his evidence of being a man of faith! He couldn’t look at me!

Back to the person who had blocked my truck; looking very satisfied that he had delayed a stranger who had inadvertently parked in his lot, he said a few words to my friend, shot me a hostile glance, then he sauntered to his vehicle and drove away.

I pondered what had just played out in the last hour or so – a young man (he looked nice, spoke relatively well, wore nice looking clothes, and drove a nice looking vehicle) had just behaved like an uneducated thug to a stranger! He had never met me, didn’t know my name, he didn’t know if I knew people he also knew, didn’t know if I would be that last signatory to what he needs an approval for, didn’t know if I owned a filling station to guarantee him a steady supply of fuel, as his neighbor, he doesn’t know if I would be the one to save him from some disaster some day – in short he was plain mean to a stranger.

So, why are we mean to people we do not know? Why do we frown at a stranger that says a cheerful hello to us? Why do we respond to cheerful greetings with an unfriendly mumble? Why do we call our driver ‘’driver’’, and not his name? Why do we look at that person in the supermarket queue with suspicion when they ask politely if we are the last in the queue? Why do we frown at the stranger at the restaurant who compliments our child’s good manners? Why do we beat our maid and injure her in places I cannot mention here, just because she helped herself to some rice while we were at church? Why do we hit the seat in front of us in the airplane very aggressively, just because the passenger relaxed it for his comfort? Why do we say ‘’yes’’ and not ‘’yes, please’’ when asked if we will like a drink? Why do we drive in such a way that it appears the other driver on the road is a long term adversary who we need to subdue and conquer? Why do we already have a ‘’frown in our voice’’ before we answer the telephone? Why block a vehicle, then go and hide just to prove a point? Why jeer at someone inwardly while pretending to sympathize? Again, why are we so mean? Why do we assume that showing civility and manners are not important?

Could it be because we do not know any better? Perhaps we were not taught how to be civil and polite while growing up, by those who should have? Or we just didn’t listen? Maybe again, we are angry with our lives and the world and we need to transfer aggression even to people we do not know…Or we do not care how we behave and want to see what we can get away with.

Well, good manners are something that people will remember about you, even if they do not remember what exactly they remember. Good manners, thoughtfulness, kindness, all make a great impression and while someone may not recall why they thought badly of you, they just remember that you didn’t make a good impression with them and people carry that a long time, even longer than a good impression.

Many seemingly educated adults out there (like my neighbor), act like kindergarten aged, out of control children – in the worst ways possible. They have, and show bad manners.

To get ahead in today’s society, we need to practice those good manners that count. It is not optional.

Helen.